Affection and Hatred are Born

(1) Affection born from affection

Here, Monks, one person is desirable, lovable, and agreeable to another. Others treat that person in a way that is desirable, lovable, and agreeable. It occurs to the latter: Others treat that person who is desirable, lovable, and agreeable to me in a way that is desirable, lovable, and agreeable.

He thus feels affection for them. It is in this way that affection is born from affection.

(2) Hatred born from affection

Here, Monks, one person is desirable, lovable, and agreeable to another. Others treat that person in a way that is undesirable, unlovable, and disagreeable. It occurs to the latter: Others treat that person who is desirable, lovable, and agreeable to me in a way that is undesirable, unlovable, and disagreeable.

He thus feels hatred for them. It is in this way that hatred is born from affection.

(3) Affection born from hatred

Here, Monks, one person is undesirable, unlovable, and disagreeable to another. Others treat that person in a way that is undesirable, unlovable, and disagreeable. It occurs to the latter: Others treat that person who is undesirable, unlovable, and disagreeable to me in a way that is undesirable, unlovable, and disagreeable.

He thus feels affection for them. It is in this way that affection is born from hatred.

(4) Hatred born from hatred

Here, Monks, one person is undesirable. unlovable, and disagreeable to another. Others treat that person in a way that is desirable, lovable, and agreeable. It occurs to the latter: Others treat that person who is undesirable, unlovable, and disagreeable to me in a way that is desirable, lovable, and agreeable.

He thus feels hatred for them. It is in this way that hatred is born from hatred.

(Reference: AN 4.200)

In this Teaching from Gotama Buddha, he shares how a person can develop either affection or hatred for others based on how they treat someone that one has affection or hatred towards.

(1) “Affection born from affection” is when you consider Person A to be “desirable, lovable, and agreeable” and others consider Person A to be “desirable, lovable, and agreeable”. Therefore, you feel affection for others because they and you both have affection for the same Person A. Your affection for others is born out of the affection you have for Person A while others have affection for Person A.

(2) “Hatred born from affection” is when you consider Person A to be “desirable, lovable, and agreeable” and others consider Person A to be “undesirable, unlovable, and disagreeable”. Therefore, you feel hatred for others because they have hatred for Person A. Your hatred for others is born out of the affection you have for Person A while others have hatred for Person A.

(3) “Affection born from hatred” is when you consider Person A to be “undesirable, unlovable, and disagreeable” and others consider Person A to be “undesirable, unlovable, and disagreeable”. Therefore, you feel affection for others because they have hatred for Person A. Your affection for others is born out of the hatred you have for Person A while others have hatred for Person A.

(4) “Hatred born from hatred” is when you consider Person A to be “undesirable, unlovable, and disagreeable” and others consider Person A to be “desirable, lovable, and agreeable”. Therefore, you feel hatred for others because they have affection for Person A. Your hatred for others is born out of the hatred you have for Person A while others have affection for Person A.

This Teaching helps a Practitioner understand how you may form perceptions about others based on how they feel about people close to you. The unEnlightened mind will oftentimes form perceptions and opinions through judgment of others causing difficult relationships based on how others feel about those close to you, especially if the mind is attached to Person A.

A wise Practitioner who is practicing Right Mindfulness (awareness of mind) can observe when feelings arise in the mind being influenced by how others feel about those close to you. You should apply Right Effort to cut off any feelings of hatred and arise loving-kindness even when others have hatred towards people who are close to you.

There is no benefit in holding on to hatred towards others for any reason. Hatred is not eliminated through hatred but instead, hatred is eliminated through loving-kindness.

It is important to ensure you have wholesome friends and associates both personally and professionally as you develop your life practice. Ensuring you are making wise decisions of who to involve in your life can significantly improve and influence the mind towards Enlightenment while creating wholesome outcomes in your life.

Allowing yourself to accumulate unwholesome friends and associates would only result in unwholesome influences that would detract and distract you from The Path to Enlightenment. One can, without arrogance or judgment, decide to only involve themselves with wholesome friends and associates both personally and professionally. Together, with wise decision making, you will find more opportunities and better outcomes in your life through the collective wholesome decisions that wholesome friends and associates can create together.

This Teaching is helping Practitioners understand that there is no benefit in allowing the mind to be influenced by others opinions but instead, one should reside with loving-kindness and compassion for all beings.

Loving-kindness (Pāli: mettā) is active goodwill towards all beings without judgment. A genuine interest in seeing all beings be well.

Compassion (Pāli: karuṇā) is concern for the misfortunes of others.