Four Means of Sustaining Favorable Relationships

Monks, there are these four means of sustaining a favorable relationship.

What four?

Giving, endearing speech, beneficent conduct, and equality.

These are the four means of sustaining a favorable relationship.

Giving, endearing speech, beneficent conduct, and equality

under diverse worldly conditions, as is suitable to fit each case:

these means of sustaining a favorable relationship are like the

linchpin of a rolling chariot.

If there were no such means of sustaining a favorable

relationship, neither mother nor father would be able to obtain

admiration and respect from their children.

But since there exist these means of sustaining a favorable

relationship, wise people respect them; thus they attain to

greatness and are highly praised.

(Reference: AN 4.32)

In this Teaching from Gotama Buddha, he shares that giving, endearing speech, beneficial conduct, and equality are how to sustain favorable relationships just like “the linchpin of a rolling chariot”.

A chariot or cart is pulled by horses with a primary “linchpin” that connects the cart and horses. Without the “linchpin”, the chariot would not function or move. So too, if one is not practicing giving, endearing speech, beneficial conduct, and equality, then there is no ability to experience favorable relationships.

One’s generosity, endearing speech, beneficent conduct, and equality are a “linchpin” or primary aspect of one’s life that determines whether one has favorable relationships or not.

Giving (Generosity): a readiness and taking the action of frequently giving something more than is strictly necessary, such as time, effort, energy, financial support, or resources without any expectation of anything in return. A practice of giving and helping others as part of an ongoing and comprehensive life practice. This action can help you develop and cultivate a more caring and compassionate mind as one chooses to consistently give and share through their life to eliminate selfishness. Generosity eliminates craving/desire/attachment in the mind, thus, helping to eliminate discontent feelings from the mind.

Endearing Speech: inspiring, loving, and affectionate communication.

Beneficent Conduct: wholesome moral conduct.

Equality: being equal.

Individuals who practice generosity, enduring speech, beneficent conduct, and equality in their relationships will experience sustaining and favorable relationships.

If one is selfish, speaks harsh, has unwholesome moral conduct, or views themself as above or below others, this will not produce a sustaining and favorable relationship. An individual will struggle and have difficulties in their relationships finding it challenging to develop and maintain healthy relationships.

These four aspects can be consider what is needed as basic foundation in any and all relationships for there to be a healthy relationship to include: politeness, kindness, friendliness, and respect.

Through practicing giving, endearing speech, beneficent conduct, and equality while being polite, kind, friendly, and respectful will create the very best opportunity for you to develop and maintain healthy relationships.