Four Ways of Living Together

Householders, there are these four ways of living together.

What four?

A wretch lives together with a wretch; a wretch lives together with a female heavenly being; a heavenly being lives together with a wretch; a heavenly being lives together with a female heavenly being.

(1) And how, Householders, does a wretch live together with a wretch?

Here, the husband is one who destroys life, takes what is not given, engages in sexual misconduct, speaks falsely, and indulges in liquor, wine, and intoxicants (substances that cause heedlessness), the basis for heedlessness; he is immoral, of unwholesome character; he resides at home with a mind obsessed by the stain of selfishness; he insults and degrades Ascetics and Brāhmins.

And his wife is also one who destroys life, takes what is not given, engages in sexual misconduct, speaks falsely, and indulges in liquor, wine, and intoxicants (substances that cause heedlessness), the basis for heedlessness; she is immoral, of unwholesome character; she resides at home with a mind obsessed by the stain of selfishness; she insults and degrades Ascetics and Brāhmins.

It is in such a way that a wretch lives together with a wretch.

(2) And how does a wretch live together with a female heavenly being?

Here, the husband is one who destroys life, takes what is not given, engages in sexual misconduct, speaks falsely, and indulges in liquor, wine, and intoxicants (substances that cause heedlessness), the basis for heedlessness; he is immoral, of unwholesome character; he resides at home with a mind obsessed by the stain of selfishness; he insults and degrades Ascetics and Brāhmins.

But his wife is one who abstains from the destruction of life, from taking what is not given, from sexual misconduct, from false speech, and from liquor, wine, and intoxicants (substances that cause heedlessness), the basis for heedlessness; she is virtuous (practicing moral conduct), of wholesome character; she resides at home with a mind free from the stain of selfishness; she does not insult or degrade Ascetics and Brāhmins.

It is in such a way that a wretch lives together with a female heavenly being.

(3) And how does a heavenly being live together with a wretch?

Here, the husband is one who abstains from the destruction of life, from taking what is not given, from sexual misconduct, from false speech, and from liquor, wine, and intoxicants (substances that cause heedlessness), the basis for heedlessness; he is virtuous (practicing moral conduct), of wholesome character; he resides at home with a mind free from the stain of selfishness; he does not insult or degrade Ascetics and Brāhmins.

But his wife is one who destroys life, takes what is not given, engages in sexual misconduct, speaks falsely, and indulges in liquor, wine, and intoxicants (substances that cause heedlessness), the basis for heedlessness; she is immoral, of unwholesome character; she resides at home with a mind obsessed by the stain of selfishness; she insults and degrades Ascetics and Brāhmins.

It is in such a way that a heavenly being lives together with a wretch.

(4) And how does a heavenly being live together with a female heavenly being?

Here, the husband is one who abstains from the destruction of life, from taking what is not given, from sexual misconduct, from false speech, and from liquor, wine, and intoxicants (substances that cause heedlessness), the basis for heedlessness; he is virtuous (practicing moral conduct), of wholesome character; he resides at home with a mind free from the stain of selfishness; he does not insult or degrade Ascetics and Brāhmins.

And his wife is also one who abstains from the destruction of life, from taking what is not given, from sexual misconduct, from false speech, and from liquor, wine, and intoxicants (substances that cause heedlessness), the basis for heedlessness; she is virtuous (practicing moral conduct), of wholesome character; she resides at home with a mind free from the stain of selfishness; she does not insult or degrade Ascetics and Brāhmins.

It is in such a way that a heavenly being lives together with a female heavenly being.

These are the four ways of living together.

When both are unwholesome, selfish and abusive, husband and wife live together as wretches.

The husband is unwholesome, selfish and abusive, but his wife is virtuous (practicing moral conduct), charitable, generous. She is a female heavenly being living with a wretched husband.

The husband is virtuous (practicing moral conduct), charitable, generous, but his wife is unwholesome, selfish and abusive. She is a wretch living with a heavenly being husband.

Both husband and wife are enriched with confidence, charitable and mentally disciplined, living their lives righteously, addressing each other with pleasant words.

Then many benefits accumulate to them and they reside at ease. Their enemies are saddened when both are the same in virtue (moral conduct).

Having practiced the Teachings here, the same in virtuous behavior and observances, delighting (after death) in a heavenly world, they rejoice, enjoying sensual pleasures.

(Reference: AN 4.53)

In this Teaching from Gotama Buddha, he shares the four ways of living together with a life partner. While in this Teaching it is described through the genders of male and female, this Teaching can be applied to all genders and relationships with two life partners.

The Buddha explains that two life partners who lived together can both be a “wretch”, one can be a wretch living with a heavenly being, a heavenly being can be living with a wretch, or both can be heavenly beings.

A “wretch” is described in this Teaching as one who is not practicing The Five Practices and “is immoral, of unwholesome character; he resides at home with a mind obsessed by the stain of selfishness; he insults and degrades Ascetics and Brāhmins”.

A “heavenly being” is described in this Teaching as one who is practicing The Five Precepts and “is virtuous (practicing moral conduct), of wholesome character; she resides at home with a mind free from the stain of selfishness; she does not insult or degrade Ascetics and Brāhmins”.

The Buddha describes that when both life partners “are enriched with confidence, charitable and mentally disciplined, living their lives righteously, addressing each other with pleasant words” “then many benefits accumulate to them and they reside at ease. Their enemies are saddened when both are the same in virtue (moral conduct)”.

There are benefits for both life partners in this life as they learn to live with each other in a wholesome way and should they not attain Enlightenment in this life, there is also the benefit of a pleasant rebirth in the heavenly realm.

With both individuals practicing in a way that leads to wholesomeness, it can be predicted that they will progress towards attaining Enlightenment in this life and if rebirth is needed, experience a rebirth in the heavenly realm.

Detailed explanation of The Realms of Existence is available in this same book series found in the book “The Realms of Existence” (Volume 11).