Seven Kinds of Wives

Then, in the morning, The Perfectly Enlightened One dressed, took his bowl and robe, and went to the residence of the Householder Anāthapindika, where he sat down on the seat that was prepared for him.

Now on that occasion, people in Anāthapindika’s residence were making an uproar and a disturbance. Then the Householder Anāthapindika approached The Perfectly Enlightened One, paid homage (respect) to him, and sat down to one side. The Perfectly Enlightened One then said to him:

Householder, why are people in your residence making such an uproar and a disturbance? One would think it was fishermen at a haul of fish.

‘This, Venerable Sir, is my daughter-in-law Sujātā, who is rich and has been brought here from a rich family. She doesn’t obey her father-in-law, her mother-in-law, or her husband. She doesn’t even honor, respect, appreciate, and Venerate The Perfectly Enlightened One.’

Then The Perfectly Enlightened One addressed Sujātā:Come here, Sujātā.

‘Yes, Venerable Sir,’ she replied. She went to The Perfectly Enlightened One, paid homage (respect) to him, and sat down to one side. The Perfectly Enlightened One then said to her:

Sujātā, a man might have seven kinds of wives.

What seven?

One like a killer, one like a thief, one like a tyrant, one like a mother, one like a sister, one like a friend, and one like a helper.

A man might have these seven kinds of wives.

Which one are you?

‘Venerable Sir, I do not understand in detail the meaning of this statement that The Perfectly Enlightened One has spoken in brief. Please let The Perfectly Enlightened One teach me The Teachings in such a way that I might understand in detail the meaning of this statement spoken in brief.’

Then listen and attend closely, Sujātā. I will speak.

‘Yes, Venerable Sir,’ she replied.

The Perfectly Enlightened One said this:

(1) With hateful mind, lacking of compassion, lusting for others, despising her husband, she seeks to kill the one who bought her with wealth: a wife like this is called a wife and a killer.

(2) When the woman’s husband acquires wealth by hard labor at a craft, trade, or farming, she tries to steal it, even if (he earns) but little: a wife like this is called a wife and a thief.

(3) The lazy glutton, unwilling to work, harsh, fierce, rough in speech, a woman who dominates her own supporters: a wife like this is called a wife and a tyrant.

(4) One always compassionate and sympathetic, who guards her husband as a mother would her son, who protects the wealth he earns: a wife like this is called a wife and a mother.

(5) She who holds her husband in high regard as younger sister would her elder brother, careful to do tasks well, following her husband’s will: a wife like this is called a wife and a sister.

(6) One who rejoices when she sees her husband as if seeing a friend after a long absence; well raised, virtuous, devoted to her husband: a wife like this is called a wife and a friend.

(7) One who remains patient and calm, when threatened with violence by the rod, who tolerates her husband with a mind free of hate, patient, accommodating to her husband’s intentions: a wife like this is called a wife and a helper.

The types of wives here called a killer, a thief, and a tyrant, unwholesome, harsh, disrespectful, with the body’s breakup go to hell.

But the types of wives here called mother, sister, friend, and helper, firm in virtue, long restrained, with the body’s breakup go to heaven.

A man, Sujātā, might have these seven kinds of wives. Now which one are you?

‘Beginning today, Venerable Sir, let The Perfectly Enlightened One consider me a wife who is like a helper.’

(Reference: AN 7.63)

In this Teaching from Gotama Buddha, he shares with a new wife named “Sujātā” the seven types of wives. The Buddha describes a wife that is “like a killer, one like a thief, one like a tyrant, one like a mother, one like a sister, one like a friend, and one like a helper”.

While this Teaching is being shared with a woman based on her challenges of being a wife, this Teaching could easily be applied to any gender of life partner as it relates to the relationship with your partner.

Gotama Buddha’s Teachings were captured during specific situations where he was sharing Teachings with a man or a woman based on the challenges that a specific person was facing. While there are various points where he was teaching a specific gender, The Teachings can be applied to all genders.

The Buddha’s Teachings are sharing The Natural Laws of Existence of how, in this case, to make wholesome decisions towards being a good life partner. The Natural Laws are not gender specific. All beings and all genders are affected in the same way based on their wholesome or unwholesome decisions.