The Entire Holy Life Is Wholesome Friendship, Wholesome Companionship, Wholesome Comradeship

And how, Ānanda, does a Monk who has a wholesome friend, a wholesome companion, a wholesome comrade, develop and cultivate The Noble Eight Fold Path?

Here, Ānanda, a Monk develops Right View, which is based upon seclusion, freedom from strong feelings, and elimination, maturing in release. He develops Right Intention, Right Speech, Right Action, Right Livelihood, Right Effort, Right Mindfulness, Right Concentration, which is based upon seclusion, freedom from strong feelings, and elimination, maturing in release.

It is in this way, Ānanda, that a Monk who has a wholesome friend, a wholesome companion, a wholesome comrade, develops and cultivates The Noble Eight Fold Path.

By the following method too, Ānanda, it may be understood how the entire holy life is wholesome friendship, wholesome companionship, wholesome comradeship: by relying upon me as a wholesome friend, Ānanda, beings subject to birth are freed from birth; beings subject to aging are freed from aging: beings subject to illness are freed from illness: beings subject to death are freed from death; beings subject to sorrow, grief, pain, displeasure, and despair are freed from sorrow, grief, pain, displeasure, and despair.

By this method, Ānanda, it may be understood how the entire holy life is wholesome friendship, wholesome companionship, wholesome comradeship.

(Reference: SN 45.2)

In this Teaching from Gotama Buddha, he shares the importance of developing wholesome relationships as a positive influence for one to progress on The Path to Enlightenment.

He further discusses how a Practitioner who develops wholesome relationships also develops The Eight Fold Path, “maturing in release”.

“Maturing in release” is the experience one may have that as they deeply develop the mind, they may experience the bodily sensation of specific cravings/desires/attachments and/or specific taints/fetters being “released” from the mind.

The more one develops The Eight Fold Path starting with Right View (The Four Noble Truths) the mind can develop the ability to readily, and in some cases, instantly eliminate specific craving/desire/attachments and/or specific taints/fetters from the mind. There is much learning, reflecting, and practicing of these Teachings that is required as a prerequisite to developing this aspect of the mind.

Gotama Buddha is explaining the bodily sensation experienced upon the elimination of these pollutions of the mind as “maturing in release”.

Gotama Buddha is describing beings who are subject to The Cycle of Rebirth (i.e. unEnlightened beings) are freed from The Cycle of Rebirth and discontentedness through the attainment of Enlightenment in this paragraph of The Teaching; “Ānanda, beings subject to birth are freed from birth; beings subject to aging are freed from aging: beings subject to illness are freed from illness: beings subject to death are freed from death; beings subject to sorrow, grief, pain, displeasure, and despair are freed from sorrow, grief, pain, displeasure, and despair. By this method,… ” of cultivating wholesome relationships and cultivating The Eight Fold Path.

Three Qualities That Are Needed for a Successful Life Partnership

Selecting a life partner is a highly impactful decision in one’s life. Select wisely, and you can experience a life full of enjoyment and love. Select unwisely, and you would be in for significant hardships, difficulties, and struggles.

If you had invested millions of dollars into building a business and needed to hire a Chief Executive Officer (CEO) to lead your company, you would take your time and make a wise selection because, your future is going to be determined by your wise or unwise choice of who to hire for this important position within the company. The success of your company is going to be directly related to the choice you make about who to select for this important position.

Well, selecting a life partner is exactly the same as selecting a CEO for your multimillion dollar company. Who you select as a life partner is a very important decision and, your future is going to be determined by your wise or unwise choice of who to include in your life for this important position within your life. The success of your life is going to be directly related to the choice you make about who to select for this important position of a life partner.

So, what should you be looking for in a life partner and what are the qualities that are needed to create a life of enjoyment and love?

I am going to share three (3) qualities to consider when selecting a life partner that are going to lead to a life full of enjoyment and love.

1.) Your potential life partner will need to know they are a “work in progress” and they “are not perfect”.

2.) It is important that your potential life partner does not “blame you for their discontent feelings”.

3.) Your potential life partner will need to be actively working towards inner growth and improvement within their own life, being willing to do the inner work on their mind that is needed to grow and evolve as an individual.

Let me share these in more detail to help you understand why these are important and to be able to identify these key criteria for a successful, fulfilling, and sustaining life partnership.

Your potential life partner will need to know they are a “work in progress” and they “are not perfect”.

Your life partner is going to need to understand, they are not perfect, they are a work in progress. It is important that you know this as well.

All too often, an individual might cast their hopes and dreams onto another person thinking, a life partner is going to complete you and fulfill all your hopes and dreams.

You need to understand, that any potential life partner is not perfect, they are struggling in the world just like you. It is only an Enlightened being who is no longer experiencing struggles and difficulties in life, and an Enlightened being is not going to be seeking a new life partnership. Therefore, if you are going to find a life partner, they will be an imperfect being currently having various struggles and difficulties in the world, they will not be perfect. Your life partner is not going to fulfill all your hopes and dreams, they are not going to complete you. If you are feeling incomplete, that is coming from within your own mind and your life partner is not going to be able to fulfill your own inner feeling of being incomplete. You need to do that inner work to accomplish that goal.

If a potential life partner understands they are a work in progress, and you do to, then the mind will be less likely to cast all its hopes and dreams onto the other person expecting for them to fulfill those for you. Instead, you need to understand that the individual who you are choosing to be a life partner is going to make mistakes and have challenges with certain aspects of life.

If you understand this, it will help ensure you are not casting your hopes and dreams onto another person expecting them to fulfill those but also, you can practice patience when your life partner is facing certain challenges in their day-to-day life where, instead of being angry and frustrated with the place they are in life, you can offer support and encouragement with unconditional love.

And, if your life partner knows they are a work in progress, they will be more inclined to seek guidance and assistance for growth and development in their life, leading to constant improvement in how they interact with you and others. A potential life partner who knows they are not perfect is a helpful indication for you that their ego is reduced enough to be actively working towards improvement in their life.

It is important that your potential life partner does not “blame you for their discontent feelings”.

If an individual has penetrated into even the most basic understanding of the human mind, they would understand that feelings and emotions are being caused by one’s own mind. It is not the outside world that is causing your inner feelings. It is the mind itself that causes its own feelings.

While this is a basic understanding that can be gained through investigation and examination of The Teachings of The Buddha on The Four Noble Truths, this is not a common understanding in the world so you are going to need to specifically look for this in a potential life partner.

All too often, people are going to be interested in blaming you for their feelings and emotions. If you have a life partner who is blaming you for their feelings, that means they do not have the wisdom to understand true reality and will never be able to improve in what they are experiencing in their daily life within their own mind.

As long as an individual continues to blame others for their feelings, they will continue to experience sadness, anger, frustration, irritation, annoyance, guilt, shame, fears, boredom, loneliness, shyness, jealousy, resentment, stress, anxiety, etc. for the rest of their life. If they do not have the wisdom to understand the true cause of their feelings, then they would be incapable of eliminating their discontent feelings. Therefore, you are in for a life of being constantly blamed for the feelings and emotions of your partner and that individual is not choosing to get help for their struggles and difficulties in life. Resentment, hostility, and bitterness will exist in their relationships and you will both struggle to ever find harmony.

But, if you and your life partner understand it is your own mind that is causing the feelings you experience and you both take responsibility for those feelings, then each of you can skillfully work towards eliminating the true cause of the feelings deep inside your own mind. This is what will produce peace and joy within your own mind and in your relationship.

If someone is comfortable to continue to blame others for what they experience, then they have not understood the most basic of Teachings that are going to lead to their improvement in life and in their relationships. This type of individual will continue to blame others for what they experience in life, being unwilling and disinterested to see the true cause of the struggles and difficulties they face, their own mind and the decisions they make.

If you are being blamed for your life partner’s feelings and emotions, your potential life partner has not seen and understood the wisdom and true reality of how their own mind needs training and improvement. You will experience significant hardships all the way through your relationship.

But, there is a better way.

Each individual can accept responsibility for their own feelings and emotions, not blaming them on others, and then, you will be able to eliminate the underlying cause of the discontent feelings, ultimately getting to a peaceful and joyful mind, life, and relationship.

Your potential life partner will need to be actively working towards inner growth and improvement within their own life, being willing to do the inner work on their mind that is needed to grow and evolve as an individual.

If your potential life partner understands they are a work in progress and that their feelings are being caused by their own mind, then the next logical step is that they would be willing to do the inner work that is needed to become a better individual and eliminate their discontent feelings.

But, this is not always the case.

Someone might understand they are not perfect and that their feelings are being caused by their own mind but, they can be complacent and unwilling to do the needed work to make improvements in their life, as their ego can be sabotaging their ability to seek the help they need.

If your life partner is complacent in their own growth and development, being unwilling to seek resources and guidance to improve, then they are stagnant which means, they are not evolving as a person and your relationship with them will struggle. Their ego will continue to sabotage their ability to get the needed support and guidance to make significant improvements in their life and in their relationships. Therefore, you will experience continued hardships through choosing to select a life partner who is unwilling to make improvements in their life through training the mind.

To experience success in your life partnership where there is enjoyment and love, you and your life partner are going to need to be actively involved in your own growth and development towards constant improvement, becoming a better and better individual.

We are not born perfect and are then functioning as perfect beings throughout our entire life. Instead, we are born imperfect, with a lack of wisdom, and need to be committed to constant and continuous growth through the cultivation of wisdom. If not, you are not practicing loving-kindness and compassion towards yourself and those around you. Instead, you will continue to make unwise decisions that lead to the harm of others and thus, to your own harm.

The most loving, kind, and compassionate thing you could do for yourself and those around you is, to be committed to your own growth and development so you can eliminate the harmful decisions you make that negatively impact those around you and cause harm to yourself.

The work to become a better individual, understanding this better way of life taught by The Buddha, is not easy but it is also not difficult. We can embrace the understanding that we are each born imperfect and our life journey is to become a better individual through the cultivation of wisdom and training the mind.

An Enlightened being will be functioning perfectly but, to get there requires an individual to know they are imperfect, their feelings are caused by their own mind, and be willing to do the needed inner work to grow and evolve into a better individual.

If complacency arises, focusing on how allowing the mind to become stagnant only causes harm to others and yourself can motivate you to arise energy towards ongoing growth and development. Understand that, by allowing the mind to remain unwise in the unEnlightened state means, you are going to be causing harm to others and yourself through your unwise decisions that cause harm and thus, harm will return to you.

This is no way to live a fulfilling life.

The sooner you catch the mind’s lack of motivation and enthusiasm towards inner growth and development, that it is attempting to become complacent, the better. It is much easier to pull the mind out of its attempted complacency when it is just getting started to head in that direction, then once the complacency is well set into the mind.

You are going to be unable, and it would be unwise, to attempt to force a potential life partner to do the needed work to grow and develop as an individual. So, it would be wise to ensure that any potential life partner that you might consider to involve in your life already has this quality well established within their own life.

Rather than put yourself in a situation where you are with a life partner who is stagnant in their own growth and development, causing harm to others and themselves, being disinterested in making improvements due to the mind’s ego, ensure that prior to making the decision to select any specific life partner that they are already committed to growth and doing the needed inner work to become a better person.

If your life partner does not have this highly important quality to be willing to actively make improvements in their own growth and development, you are in for significant struggles and difficulties as their mind is complacent and their life is stagnant. This means, the will be continuous disharmony in your relationship through constant unwise decisions leading to unwholesome results.

There is a better way of life.

Each individual in the life partnership can be committed to their own growth and development, taking responsibility to train their mind by cultivating wisdom.

This will lead to the needed continuous growth within one’s own life and in their relationships.

In short, you will need a life partner with, and you will need, these three qualities.

1.) Your potential life partner will need to know they are a “work in progress” an they “are not perfect”.

2.) It is important that your potential life partner does not “blame you for their discontent feelings”.

3.) Your potential life partner will need to be actively working towards inner growth and improvement within their own life, being willing to do the inner work on their mind that is needed to grow and evolve as an individual.

Without these important qualities, you are in for a life full of significant struggles and difficulties.

With these important qualities, you are in for a life full of enjoyment and love.

Selecting a life partner is a highly impactful decision in one’s life. Select wisely, and you can experience a life full of enjoyment and love. Select unwisely, and you would be in for significant hardships, difficulties, and struggles.

With these important qualities, you will both be headed towards continuous growth and development within your individual life and within your relationship.