Three Difficulties that Separate Mother and Son

Monks, the uninstructed worldling speaks of these three difficulties that separate mother and son.

What three?

There comes a time when a great wildfire arises. When the great wildfire has arisen, it burns up villages, towns, and cities. When villages, towns, and cities are burning up, the mother does not find her son and the son does not find his mother. This is the first difficulty that separates mother and son of which the uninstructed worldling speaks.

Again, there comes a time when a great rain cloud arises. When the great rain cloud has arisen, a great landslide takes place. When the great landslide takes place, villages, towns, and cities are swept away. When villages, towns, and cities are being swept away, the mother does not find her son and the son does not find his mother. This is the second difficulty that separates mother and son of which the uninstructed worldling speaks.

Again, there comes a time of a dangerous windstorm in the wilderness, when the people of the countryside, mounted on their vehicles, flee on all sides. When there is a dangerous windstorm in the wilderness, and the people of the countryside, mounted on their vehicles, are fleeing on all sides, the mother does not find her son and the son does not find his mother. This is the third difficulty that separates mother and son of which the uninstructed worldling speaks.

These are the three difficulties that separate mother and son of which the uninstructed worldling speaks.

There are, Monks, these three difficulties when mother and son reconnect that the uninstructed worldling speaks of as difficulties that separate mother and son.

What three?

There comes a time when a great wildfire arises, when a great rain cloud arises, and there comes a time of a dangerous windstorm in the wilderness, there is sometimes an occasion when the mother finds her son and the son finds his mother.

These are the three difficulties when mother and son reconnect that the uninstructed worldling speak of as difficulties that separate mother and son.

There are, Monks, these three difficulties that separate mother and son.

What three?

The difficulty of old age, the difficulty of illness, and the difficulty of death.

When the son is growing old, the mother cannot fulfill her wish: Let me grow old, but may my son not grow old! And when the mother is growing old, the son cannot fulfill his wish: Let me grow old, but may my mother not grow old!

When the son has fallen ill, the mother cannot fulfill her wish: Let me fall ill, but may my son not fall ill! And when the mother has fallen ill, the son cannot fulfill his wish: Let me fall ill, but may my mother not fall ill!

When the son is dying, the mother cannot fulfill her wish: Let me die, but may my son not die! And when the mother is dying, the son cannot fulfill his wish: Let me die, but may my mother not die!

These are the three difficulties that separate mother and son.

There is a path, Monks, there is a way that leads to the abandoning and overcoming of these three difficulties when mother and son reconnect and of these three difficulties that separate mother and son.

And what is the path and way? It is just this Noble Eight Fold Path; that is, Right View, Right Intention, Right Speech, Right Action, Right Livelihood, Right Effort, Right Mindfulness, and Right Concentration.

This is the path and way that leads to the abandoning and overcoming of these three difficulties when mother and son reconnect and of these three difficulties that separate mother and son.

(Reference: AN 3.62)

In this Teaching from Gotama Buddha, he shares a Teaching of how a mother and her son could become separated based on three difficulties.

While this is a Teaching referencing a mother and son, one might decide to apply this to any caregiver and their child. The Buddha is essentially describing the deep attachment that exists between many caregivers and their children.

First, The Buddha describes the three difficulties of a wildfire, a rainstorm, and a windstorm. These are three difficulties that could physically separate a caregiver from their child.

The Buddha shares these are the three difficulties that the “uninstructed worldling speaks”. An “uninstructed worldling” is an individual who is not learning, reflecting, and practicing these Teachings. One who is not on The Path to Enlightenment and does not understand the wisdom of these Teachings. They are referred to throughout The Buddha’s Teachings as an “uninstructed worldling” as they are holding on to worldly possessions and relationship in the mind rather than training the mind to “let go”. They are bound to “the world”, thus, an “uninstructed worldling”.

Next, The Buddha speaks of the three difficulties that truly separate a caregiver and their child being old age, illness, and death. The Buddha describes a mother and son who both have the wish that the other does not become old, sick, or die. The uninstructed worldling (i.e. individual not on The Path to Enlightenment) does not understand these Teachings to include The Universal Truth of Impermanence, therefore, the mind has difficulties observing one they are attached to grow old, become sick, or die. The mind is untrained and thus, experiences misery, sorrow, grief, pain, displeasure, and despair.

Lastly, The Buddha then describes that there is “a path” that leads to the elimination and overcoming of these three difficulties experienced by caregivers and children who are attached to each other yearning and longing for aging, sickness, and death to not occur experiencing misery, sorrow, grief, pain, displeasure, and despair.

The path and the way are The Eight Fold Path. That is the escape from all misery, sorrow, grief, pain, displeasure, and despair leading to a complete end to all discontentedness.

Through learning, reflecting, and practicing this path, one will come to be liberated from the strong feelings associated with the mind craving/desiring permanence in our relationships. Love does not cause pain and misery in relationships instead, it is craving/desire/attachment. When one learns how to love without attachment, they can liberate the mind from constant discontentedness based on attachment in relationships.

Detailed explanation on practicing True Love: Love Without Attachment is available in Chapter 15 of this same book series found in the book “Developing a Life Practice: The Path That Leads to Enlightenment” (Volume 1).