The Agreeable‑Bodied Heavenly Beings

‘Here, Venerable Sir, I had gone off to pass the day and was in seclusion when a number of agreeable-bodied heavenly beings approached me, paid homage (respect) to me, stood to one side, and said to me:

Venerable Sir Anuruddha, we agreeable-bodied heavenly beings exert mastery and exercise control over three things.

We immediately acquire whatever color we want. We immediately acquire whatever pleasure we want.

And we immediately acquire whatever voice we want…

‘Venerable Sir, how many qualities should a woman possess so that, with the breakup of the body, after death, she is reborn in companionship with the agreeable-bodied heavenly beings?’

If she possesses eight qualities, Anuruddha, a woman, with the breakup of the body, after death, is reborn in companionship with the agreeable‑bodied heavenly beings.

What eight?

1. Here, Anuruddha, to whichever husband her parents give her — doing so out of a desire for her good, seeking her welfare, taking compassion on her, acting out of compassion for her — a woman rises before him and retires after him, undertaking whatever needs to be done, agreeable in her conduct and pleasing in her speech.

   
   

2. She honors, respects, admires, and venerates those whom her husband respects — his mother and father, Ascetics and Brāhmins — and when they arrive, she offers them a seat and water.

   
   

3. She is skillful and diligent in attending to her husband’s domestic chores, whether knitting or weaving; she possesses sound judgment about them in order to carry out and arrange them properly.

   
   

4. She finds out what her husband’s domestic helpers — whether slaves, messengers, or workers — have done and left undone; she finds out the condition of those who are ill; and she distributes to each an appropriate portion of food.

   
   

5. She guards and protects whatever income her husband brings home — whether money, grain, silver, or gold — and she is not a spendthrift, thief, wastrel, or squanderer of his earnings.

   
   

6. She is a female Household Practitioner who has gone for refuge to The Buddha, The Teachings, and The Community.

   
   

7. She is virtuous (practicing moral conduct), abstaining from the destruction of life, taking what is not given, sexual misconduct, false speech, and liquor, wine, and intoxicants (substances that cause heedlessness), the basis for heedlessness.

   
   

8. She is generous, one who resides at home with a heart free of the stain of selfishness, freely generous, openhanded, delighting in letting go, devoted to charity, delighting in giving and sharing.

Possessing these eight qualities, Anuruddha, a woman, with the breakup of the body, after death, is reborn in companionship with the agreeable‑bodied heavenly beings.

She does not despise her husband, the man who constantly supports her, who is dedicated and eagerly always brings her whatever she needs.

Nor does a wholesome woman scold her husband with speech caused by jealousy; the wise woman shows veneration to all those whom her husband admires.

She rises early, works diligently, manages the domestic help; she treats her husband in agreeable ways and safeguards the wealth he earns.

The woman who fulfills her duties thus, following her husband’s will and wishes, is reborn among the heavenly beings called “the agreeable ones.”

(Reference: SN 8.46)

In this Teaching from Gotama Buddha, he shares detailed Teachings to help guide a wife in how to attend to certain responsibilities in the household to ensure the home is operated smoothly and that she will have the ability to be reborn in the heavenly realm upon death.

Notice that this Teaching was a response to a question asked of The Buddha rather than The Buddha telling her what she needed to do for her life. He was not forcing her to learn or telling her what she should or should not do but instead, he was answering a question that was asked of him by a Student seeking guidance to improve their life practice.

While today, household life is different in many ways from that which existed during the lifetime of The Buddha, there are some important lessons that we can gain from this Teaching that can help us operate a smooth household. And, while this Teaching was shared with a woman, since she is the one who asked The Buddha a question, we can apply this Teaching to both individuals in a couple who is choosing to reside together in a household life.

I offer the following guidance as it directly relates to what The Buddha was sharing in this interaction and this Teaching.

1.) It would be wise for a couple to spend quality time together while having wholesome moral conduct towards each other being polite, kind, friendly, and respectful to each other.

While during the lifetime of The Buddha a wife might have awoken from sleep prior to her husband and slept after him, the lesson to glean in this Teaching to be applied today, is to ensure both partners of a relationship are balancing their time between all areas of their life ensuring there is quality time for each other and other family members.

If one was to only spend time working without having dedicated family time, the household would struggle as one’s life practice is not balanced and in the middle.

Why do we work? To make money and be the richest person in the world? Well, there can only be one richest person in the world, therefore, with this thinking we will struggle our entire life to just acquire wealth while not necessarily taking time to spend with those who are close to us. Have you ever known anyone to be on their death bed wishing that they had just worked more?

Or, do we work to acquire the resources we need so that we can live a reasonable life with all those who are close to us? Do we have the aim to ensure we have harmonious relationships with all those around us? This way, when we are on our death bed we will feel at ease that we spent quality time throughout our life with all those who are close to us.

Nothing in this life will be taken with us when the body dies. I suggest that our work is to acquire the needed resources to sustain our life while enjoying lasting memories with all those who are close to us.

2.) Not only would it be wise for a couple to have wholesome moral conduct towards each other that is polite, kind, friendly, and respectful but also, The Buddha suggests that a couple is polite, kind, friendly, and respectful towards each other’s family and friends.

And, that when a guest arrives to our home, we offer them a seat and water. Through showing good hospitality to our guests, we will experience harmonious relationships in our community. Through having harmonious relationships with those family and friends that are important to our partner, we create lasting and fulfilling relationships that allow a couple to prosper.

3.) A couple can apply effort towards the maintenance and upkeep of their home. Through showing attention to maintaining a clean and orderly home, we create a nurturing home in which to reside comfortably.

While having a home that is well maintained and comfortable based on the preferences of the couple, this does not mean the mind needs to be obsessed with extreme cleanliness.

A couple will need to find and walk, the middle way, as it relates to maintaining their home. Discussions and compromise will be needed to ensure both individuals in a couple feel comfortable with the home where they reside. While there will not always be immediate agreement, with well developed communication skills practicing Right Speech and patience, a couple can find the middle way as it relates to maintaining a comfortable home.

4.) If a couple employs workers at home or outside the home, they should take extra care to ensure their workers are well cared for as it is the workers who care for them. Through maintaining healthy relationships with the workers who help us, inside and outside the home, this creates more harmony in the relationship between the couple.

Practicing loving-kindness and compassion towards the workers who help us at all times, especially when sick, is important. Caring for the employees who care for us is to also care for one’s own relationship with their life partner. If there is disharmony among one’s employees, there can be disharmony in one’s relationship with their life partner. Through caring for one’s employees, this helps to ensure stability and steadiness in a couple’s relationship as they rely on those close to them to maintain their home life and family income.

5.) A couple should apply effort to dedicate the wealth they acquire to useful efforts that benefit the couple, their family, and others. This would include ensuring that there is a plan to develop financial reserves to support them in a time of need. Living life without financial reserves can create extensive pressure in a couple’s relationship. But through having active plans to develop savings that can be used during challenging times, the couple’s mind can be at ease reducing or eliminating financial hardships.

Financial challenges can oftentimes lead to the ending of a relationship. But, through having a dedicated plan to create financial reserves to protect the couple from challenging times, a couple is also protecting the harmony of their relationship and ensuring the best possible opportunity for their relationship to thrive.

6.) If both individuals in a couple understand that it is The Teachings of The Buddha that will lead to a peaceful mind and a peaceful household, they can dedicate themselves to learning, reflecting, and practicing The Teachings of The Buddha basing their household decisions in these Teachings.

Having confidence in The Buddha, access to his Teachings, and being part of a Community of Practitioners will support a couple in their growth on The Path to Enlightenment.

7.) If both individuals in a couple are learning, reflecting, and practicing these Teachings, they will find that it is easier to create harmony in their relationship. With both members of the couple practicing The Five Precepts and all the other Teachings shared by The Buddha, they can be supportive, encouraging, and motivating to each other on The Path to Enlightenment.

If one individual was choosing to learn and practice these Teachings while the other is not, they will oftentimes find that it is a struggle to build and maintain a harmonious relationship. These Teachings share topics such as practicing true love, love without attachment in relationships, among other important Teachings. If one member of the couple was practicing these Teachings while the other member of the couple was not, the two individuals could experience that they are moving in opposite directions in life. Therefore, the relationship could potentially struggle.

But, through both members of the couple creating a nurturing household based on these Teachings, their relationship can flourish as they would both be making decisions using the same wholesome qualities of mind. While there will still be challenges along the way, they will have the skills and abilities to work through those challenges in a way that leads to wholesome outcomes for everyone involved.

An Enlightened being, among other things, is a problem solver. So as one chooses to learn, reflect, and practice these Teachings moving closer to Enlightenment, the mind will be better prepared to face the day-to-day challenges encountered as part of living life with a life partner by applying the guidance in these Teachings towards the challenges faced as a couple.

8.) A Practitioner will need a well developed practice of generosity to attain Enlightenment. A couple who is interested in a harmonious relationship can choose to practice generosity towards each other and among all their family, friends, workers, colleagues, Teachers, and others who support them in their life together.

Through residing “at home with a heart free of the stain of selfishness, freely generous, openhanded, delighting in letting go, devoted to charity, delighting in giving and sharing”, a couple will discover a more joyous way of living life. They will not only be focused on their own needs in life, but ensuring they care for those who care for them through making generous offerings to support those who support them in developing and maintaining a harmonious relationship.

Practicing these eight qualities, a couple can be sure they are applying effort towards the development and maintenance of their relationship so that it can be successful in all respects. The Buddha explains that through practicing these eight qualities, an individual could be predicted to be reborn among the agreeable-bodied heavenly beings should rebirth be needed.

The Buddha further explains that we should not despise our life partners and instead, constantly support one another bringing each other those things that we need to sustain our life.

We should not use speech that would be harsh or aggressive based on jealousy towards our partner attempting to scold them, but instead, we should show politeness, kindness, friendliness, and respect towards each other. If an individual is clinging to their partner, the mind can easily become jealous and create division in the relationship. Through learning how to practice true love without attachment, a couple can be highly successful in a harmonious relationship.

If we have any type of workers that help us at home, we need to ensure we treat them with dignity and respect, much like a member of our own family. It is the efforts of our household employees that provide a comfortable home to reside that creates a nurturing environment that fosters a healthy relationship.

The Buddha suggests that we do not become a “spendthrift” but instead, use our resources wisely. A couple who puts themselves in debt can oftentimes experience stress and anxiety in a relationship due to the financial pressures and burdens. By living a debt-free life, this can bring even more peacefulness into one’s relationship with their life partner. Working to eliminate craving/desire, a couple can learn to live life debt-free while attending to their needs rather than chasing after their wants.

If a couple is interested in a healthy relationship, they will need to see their financial health as part of cultivating and maintaining a healthy relationship. Through training the mind to eliminate craving/desire, this can produce wiser financial decisions that leads to a successful relationship. Allowing the mind to continue to chase after its wants through craving/desire could be self sabotaging one’s relationship.

Not only does eliminating craving/desire/attachment bring more peacefulness to one’s own mind, but it will also bring peacefulness into all your relationships ensuring harmony. Relationships can be highly fulfilling, when we walk the middle way. This Teaching and others can help you discover and walk the middle way in all your relationships so that you can experience the lasting fulfillment of peaceful and harmonious relationships.

Deciding to progress on The Path to Enlightenment is a way to ensure you are progressing towards the skills and abilities you will need to develop and maintain a healthy relationship with a life partner, if you choose. Relationships can oftentimes be a struggle, but they do not need to be if one chooses to practice true love - love without attachment.

Detailed explanation of “True Love: Love Without Attachment” is available in this same book series found in Chapter 15 of the book “Developing a Life Practice: The Path That Leads to Enlightenment” (Volume 1).