Union and Disengagement Concerning Femininity and Masculinity

Monks, I will teach you a discourse on union and disengagement. Listen….

And what is that discourse on union and disengagement?

A woman, Monks, attends internally to her feminine faculty, her feminine behavior, her feminine appearance, her feminine aspect, her feminine desire, her feminine voice, her feminine decoration. She becomes excited by these and takes delight in them. Excited by them, taking delight in them, she attends externally to [a man’s] masculine faculty, his masculine behavior, his masculine appearance, his masculine aspect, his masculine desire, his masculine voice, his masculine decoration. She becomes excited by these and takes delight in them. Excited by them, taking delight in them, she desires union externally, and she also desires the pleasure and joy that arise on account of such union.

Beings who are delighted with their femininity, enter upon union with men. It is in this way that a woman does not transcend her femininity.

A man, Monks, attends internally to his masculine faculty, his masculine behavior, his masculine appearance, his masculine aspect, his masculine desire, his masculine voice, his masculine decoration. He becomes excited by these and takes delight in them. Excited by them, taking delight in them, he attends externally to [a woman’s] feminine faculty, her feminine behavior, her feminine appearance, her feminine aspect, her feminine desire, her feminine voice, her feminine decoration. He becomes excited by these and takes delight in them. Excited by them, taking delight in them, he desires union externally, and he also desires the pleasure and joy that arise on account of such union.

Beings who are delighted with their masculinity, enter upon union with women. It is in this way that a man does not transcend his masculinity.

This is how union comes about.

And how does disengagement come about?

A woman, Monks, does not attend internally to her feminine faculty, her feminine behavior, her feminine appearance, her feminine aspect, her feminine desire, her feminine voice, her feminine decoration. She does not become excited by these or take delight in them. Not excited by them, not taking delight in them, she does not attend externally to [a man’s] masculine faculty, his masculine behavior, his masculine appearance, his masculine aspect, his masculine desire, his masculine voice, his masculine decoration. She does not become excited by these or take delight in them. Not excited by them, not taking delight in them, she does not desire union externally, nor does she desire the pleasure and joy that arise on account of such union.

Beings who are not delighted with their femininity, become disengaged from men. It is in this way that a woman transcends her femininity.

A man, Monks, does not attend internally to his masculine faculty, his masculine behavior, his masculine appearance, his masculine aspect, his masculine desire, his masculine voice, his masculine decoration. He does not become excited by these or take delight in them. Not excited by them, not taking delight in them, he does not attend externally to [a woman’s] feminine faculty, her feminine behavior, her feminine appearance, her feminine aspect, her feminine desire, her feminine voice, her feminine decoration. He does not become excited by these or take delight in them. Not excited by them, not taking delight in them, he does not desire union externally, nor does he desire the pleasure and joy that arise on account of such union.

Beings who are not delighted with their masculinity, become disengaged from women. It is in this way that a man transcends his masculinity.

This is how disengagement comes about. This, Monks, is The Teaching discourse on union and disengagement.

(Reference: AN 7.51)

In this Teaching from Gotama Buddha, he shares how some women are interested in men as a sexual partner and that some men are interested in women as a sexual partner.

He further describes women who are not interested in men as a sexual partner and men who are not interested in women as a sexual partner.

During the lifetime of The Buddha there were, of course, human beings who preferred same gender relationships and human beings who preferred opposite gender relationships.

The Buddha made this observation and taught his Students that both of these exist. He did not have any other Teachings on this topic because it is completely normal and fits with his Teaching on The Universal Truth of Impermanence.

The Buddha taught over 2,500 years ago and through his journey to Enlightenment he became The Perfectly Enlightened One. His mind was awake to the wisdom of these natural laws beyond what an average human being can understand.

It is important to note that even 2,500 years ago, The Buddha was so wise that he understood same gender relationships and opposite gender relationships, and that these are all completely normal. He never taught that there was any harm being caused to the individuals, or society as a whole, due to same gender or opposite gender relationships.

When he taught The Five Precepts related to sexual misconduct, being aware of same gender and opposite gender relationships, nothing he taught related to sexual misconduct included gender. Therefore, as you investigate The Natural Laws of Existence, one can come to understand that there is no harm in individuals choosing to be in a loving and consenting relationship with the same gender, opposite gender, or having no relationship with a life partner at all remaining single.

Today, there are some who consider same gender relationships harmful. However, there is no harm in two loving and consenting adults to be in a loving relationship. Individuals who choose a same gender relationship are not causing harm to themselves nor anyone else and is why The Buddha never taught this is harmful.

The challenge for some individuals is that their mind craves/desires permanence wanting all beings to conform to their expectations that all human beings should have an opposite gender relationship. But this is based on one’s own craving/desire for permanence, and is why anyone who maintains this thinking will cause themselves discontentedness over someone else’s relationship.

One aspect of attaining Enlightenment is to train the mind to not put one’s own wants and expectations on others, attempting to get others to conform to one’s own cravings and desires. The unEnlightened mind will oftentimes attempt to force others to conform to its own way of thinking as a way to attempt to create lasting satisfaction. The unEnlightened mind has a certain perspective of how it believes the world should function and then attempts to impose that on others, rather than focusing on one’s own life challenges and understanding The Natural Laws of Existence.

When the unEnlightened mind discovers the world does not function in the way of its own perceptions, then it struggles and has difficulties to exist in the world thinking that if it could just “fix the world” to function in the way of its choosing, that will solve the problem of its discontent mind.

The unEnlightened mind falsely believes that if it can just get everyone to conform to its perception of how the world should function, the world will be perfect and the mind will be satisfied. But, this is the mind’s own craving/desire/attachment with conceit (i.e. arrogance) thinking that it knows best and the world needs to be “fixed” to conform to one’s own perceptions of how the world should function.

In reality, a Practitioner needs to only understand The Natural Laws of Existence to fix one’s own mind of craving, desiring, wanting, and expecting things to function in a way that is pleasing to the individual rather than the world functions the way it does based on The Natural Laws of Existence. The world cannot be “fixed” but instead, a Practitioner’s goal should be to understand The Natural Laws of Existence so that one can come to understand that not all people are going to function exactly the same way. Craving and desiring for all people to function in exactly the same way is part of the primary problem of the unEnlightened mind that causes itself to be discontent. The mind is craving permanence longing and yearning for all things to be exactly the same. This is impossible due to The Universal Truth of Impermanence.

The only thing that will solve one’s own discontent mind is to train the mind to understand The Natural Laws of Existence, how the world actually functions, and then the mind can reside peaceful, calm, serene, and content with joy because it fully understands and can function with knowledge of these natural laws. The mind can be liberated from moving about the world attempting to fix everyone else and instead, work on the challenges of one’s own mind through developing deep understanding and practice of The Natural Laws of Existence that lead to freedom and liberation.

This is why The Buddha did not have anything to teach related to some people’s misperception that same gender relationships are unwholesome. Based on The Natural Laws of Existence, specifically The Universal Truth of Impermanence, it is not possible for everyone in the world to function in exactly the same way. That would be permanence and cannot exist. All women will not be interested in a relationship with a man. All men will not be interested in a relationship with a woman. All people will not be interested in a relationship at all and some will choose to remain single without children. This is a normal occurrence of life and is explained by The Universal Truth of Impermanence.

Same gender relationships, opposite gender relationships, and choosing to remain single are all part of an individuals free will choice and that choice does not impact anyone in a harmful way. Rather, this helps one to see The Universal Truth of Impermanence applies to “all things” including relationships.

It is impossible for everyone in the world to conform to one specific way of being as it relates to relationships. There is no harm in same gender relationships and anyone that feels there is, is not understanding the most basic and fundamental Natural Law of Existence known as The Universal Truth of Impermanence.

A being can eliminate their own discontentedness and liberate the mind further by letting go of wanting everyone in the world to have an opposite gender relationship understanding that all beings make free will choices and one’s own choice of who to love in a intimate relationship does not affect anyone. Love is love and when all beings learn how to love all other beings, then the harmful, unskillful, and destructive behaviors of attempting to force others to conform to one’s own wants and expectations can be eliminated from the world making it a more peaceful and harmonious place for everyone to exist free of craving, anger, and ignorance (unknowing of true reality).

When a human being does not get its cravings/desires fulfilled, the mind will oftentimes revert to anger/hatred/ill will. This is why we see anger, hatred, and ill will directed towards groups and individuals of different genders, religions, sexual preferences, ethnicities, etc. An individual will crave and desire for all beings to be the same way, lacking the wisdom of The Universal Truth of Impermanence. When the mind discovers that their cravings/desires are not satisfied, one experiences painful feelings and directs anger, hatred, and ill will towards individuals and groups who are different. The unEnlightened mind does not like impermanence and its anger, hatred, and ill will arises and motivates unskillful conduct that harms others and thus, harms themselves.

Individuals, and thus the world, can eliminate racism, sexism, xenophobia, and other harmful destructive thinking through training the mind to eliminate craving/desire/attachment. When a human being understands The Universal Truth of Impermanence, knowing that it is not possible for everyone in the world to be the same, and that one is causing their own discontentedness through craving/desire/attachment wanting permanence, one can train the mind to become liberated from its own hatred. Through training the mind on The Path to Enlightenment, beings can be liberated from the self imposed suffering (i.e. discontentedness) caused by its own mind, learning how to live in harmony and peace with all other beings.

Eliminating the craving to “fix the world”, an individual can focus on the real challenge within one’s own mind. Purifying the mind of its own craving, anger, and ignorance (unknowing of true reality), an individual can be liberated from its destructive thinking, behaviors, habits, and conduct choosing to interact with all beings in wholesome ways leading to peacefulness within one’s own mind.