Loving-kindness Meditation in Buddhism: How to Practice Loving-kindness and Eliminate Anger
- David Roylance
- 2 days ago
- 15 min read
Updated: 7 hours ago
Anger can create tremendous difficulties in the mind and in our relationships with others.
When anger arises, the mind can experience frustration, irritation, annoyance, hatred, hostility, aggression, resentment, aversion, and ill will. These mental states can influence our intentions, speech, and actions, creating harm for ourselves and others.
But anger does not need to remain in the mind.
The Teachings of The Buddha provide us with a path to train the mind and gradually eliminate anger. One of the important practices for accomplishing this goal is Loving-kindness Meditation.
Loving-kindness is not merely something that we hope to experience. It is a wholesome quality of mind that can be deliberately cultivated through meditation and practiced throughout daily life.
Loving-kindness (Pāli: mettā) is active goodwill towards all beings without judgment—a genuine interest in seeing all beings be well. Loving-kindness is the remedy for anger, hatred, ill will, hostility, aggression, and other harsh intentions, speech, and actions.
Through gradual training and gradual practice, the mind can learn to replace anger and ill will with loving-kindness.
Teacher's Note: This Loving-kindness Meditation practice is the method I teach Students to gradually train the mind to eliminate anger, hatred, ill will, hostility, aggression, and resentment while cultivating goodwill towards all beings. |
Loving-kindness Meditation: Practice
Begin with Breathing Mindfulness Meditation to calm and prepare the mind.
Begin loving-kindness with yourself.
Quietly repeat the phrases on the out-breath.
Gradually expand loving-kindness towards additional people or groups.
Include challenging relationships where the mind needs to eliminate ill will.
Always complete the practice with all beings.
The complete practice and explanation are provided below.
Table of Contents
Understanding Anger
Anger is one of The Three Poisons, along with craving and ignorance.
The Three Poisons are also described as The Three Unwholesome Roots or The Three Fires. The goal of the Practitioner is to gradually eliminate these unwholesome qualities through the development of their wholesome alternatives:
craving through non-craving or generosity,
anger through non-anger or loving-kindness,
and ignorance through wisdom.
Anger can appear in the mind as hatred, hostility, aggression, aversion, resentment, or ill will. It can involve pushing away unpleasant circumstances, experiences, uncomfortable feelings, or even people the mind considers to be unpleasant.
One of the challenges of the unEnlightened mind is that when it experiences painful feelings, it can mistakenly attribute those feelings to another person or an outside situation.
The mind then thinks:
“This person made me angry.”
Or:
“This situation caused my anger.”
The mind can then attempt to push away the person or situation that it believes caused its painful feelings.
But this does not eliminate the underlying problem within the mind.
Instead, anger and aversion can create conflict, damage relationships, cause us to see enemies around us, and leave the mind constantly occupied with protecting itself or responding to perceived threats.
No one can cause us anger or hatred. We cause it ourselves.
And because we cause our own anger, through training the mind and pursuing The Path to Enlightenment, anger, hatred, and ill will can be completely eliminated.
This understanding is important because it gives us responsibility for the condition of our own mind.
And with responsibility comes the opportunity to change it.
Loving-kindness Is the Antidote to Anger
The Teachings of The Buddha do not merely show us what is unwholesome within the mind. They also provide us with wholesome alternatives that can be cultivated to transform the mind.
The antidotes to The Three Poisons are described as The Three Wholesome Roots: generosity, loving-kindness, and wisdom.
To overcome anger, a Practitioner cultivates loving-kindness, while training the mind to let go of resentment and hostility.
Instead of reacting to unpleasant people, circumstances, or feelings through anger, hatred, ill will, or aversion, the Practitioner gradually trains the mind to respond differently.
The antidote to anger is Loving-kindness Meditation and a well-developed practice of loving-kindness in daily life.
The purpose is to gradually transform the mind so that it develops a genuine interest in seeing all beings be well. This transformation does not occur through meditation alone. A Practitioner also needs to treat beings in daily life in a polite, kind, friendly, and respectful way without expecting anything in return.
This is why Loving-kindness Meditation should not be viewed merely as an isolated meditation exercise.
It is part of a life practice.
What Is Loving-kindness (Mettā) in Buddhism?
Loving-kindness, or mettā in Pāli, is defined as:
Active goodwill towards all beings without judgment. A genuine interest in seeing all beings be well.
This is important to understand.
Loving-kindness is not simply having pleasant feelings towards people that we like.
It is goodwill towards all beings.
The practice therefore involves training the mind beyond our normal judgments, dislikes, and resentments. These are all caused by the mind’s unwholesome quality of craving. Therefore, a Practitioner will need to eliminate those cravings so that loving-kindness can be fully cultivated and practiced with all beings, bringing the mind closer to Enlightenment.
It is not other people or external circumstances that cause judgment, dislike, and resentment within the mind. These qualities are caused by the mind itself and, therefore, they can be eliminated.
Loving-kindness is one of four healthy mental states: loving-kindness, compassion, sympathetic joy, and equanimity. These qualities can be cultivated both through meditation and through daily life so that our intentions, speech, and actions are increasingly motivated by wholesome mental states.
As loving-kindness becomes increasingly present in the mind, the Practitioner learns to treat all beings politely, kindly, friendly, respectfully, and without judgment.
That is significantly different from allowing the mind to decide:
“I will be kind to the people I like, but not the people I dislike.”
Loving-kindness needs to eventually extend to all beings.
Loving-kindness and Right Intention
Loving-kindness is also directly connected to The Eight Fold Path.
Right Intention contains three aspects: renunciation, non-ill-will, and harmlessness.
The Buddha describes Right Intention as:
the intention of renunciation, the intention of non-ill-will, and the intention of harmlessness.
The practice of non-ill-will is the development of loving-kindness.
The mind develops a genuine interest in seeing all beings be well, including yourself. As loving-kindness becomes increasingly present in the mind, ill will is gradually eliminated, and the mind becomes uninterested in causing harm to other beings.
This means Loving-kindness Meditation is not disconnected from the rest of The Buddha’s Teachings.
It supports the development of Right Intention while training the mind away from ill will and towards goodwill.
This wholesome intention can then influence our speech and actions.
The Buddha also taught that well-spoken speech includes speaking with a mind of loving-kindness.
When the mind changes, our interaction with the world changes and wholesome results (i.e. wholesome Kamma) can be experienced.
Breathing Mindfulness Meditation Comes First
Before beginning Loving-kindness Meditation, it is recommended to establish a practice of Breathing Mindfulness Meditation.
Breathing Mindfulness Meditation trains the mind to reside in the present moment using the breath as an anchor. When thoughts arise, rather than attaching to them, analyzing them, or following them, the Practitioner returns the mind to the breath.
Through this practice, the mind learns to “cut off thoughts” and “let go.”
The training developed during meditation can then be carried into everyday life so that when unwholesome mental activity begins to arise, the Practitioner becomes increasingly capable of recognizing it and letting it go.
The book recommends establishing a consistent Breathing Mindfulness Meditation practice for a minimum of four weeks before deciding to move into Loving-kindness Meditation.
Breathing Mindfulness Meditation then serves as preparation for Loving-kindness Meditation.
Before beginning the Loving-kindness practice, first use Breathing Mindfulness Meditation to bring the mind into the present moment and establish “singleness of mind.” The purpose is to calm and empty the mind, detaching from thoughts, ideas, and perceptions before intentionally cultivating loving-kindness towards all beings.
How to Practice Loving-kindness Meditation
There is not only one possible method of Loving-kindness Meditation.
Different Teachers and Practitioners may use different techniques. The method presented here is the approach I teach Students to gradually train and transform the mind.
Begin with Breathing Mindfulness Meditation and then use phrases quietly repeated in the mind on the out-breath.
The basic practice is:
Begin with Breathing Mindfulness Meditation in a comfortable seated, lying, or standing position. Once the mind is calm and centered, quietly repeat on the out-breath: “May I be peaceful. May I be safe. May I be well. May I be free of all discontentedness and the suffering it causes.”
Second, extend those intentions to “mom and dad”, using the same statements.
Third, include family, friends, co-workers, and neighbors with specific names or as a general group.
The fourth and fifth rings can be customized to meet your needs for family, friends, co-workers, neighbors or other groups that the mind finds to be challenging to have loving-kindness towards.
Finally extend them to “all beings”: “May all beings be peaceful. May all beings be safe. May all beings be well. May all beings be free of all discontentedness and the suffering it causes.”
This will need to be customized for your specific needs as this is only sharing the basic structure of the meditation for learning purposes. In practice, you will need to customize this based on the condition of the mind.
The intention is not simply to repeat words.
The practice is training the mind to cultivate goodwill and loving-kindness towards yourself and all beings.
Just as physical training requires repeated practice, training the mind requires consistency.
Do not expect one meditation session to completely transform the mind.
The Buddha taught gradual training and gradual practice leading to gradual progress. Loving-kindness Meditation therefore needs consistency, dedication, and repeated practice over many meditation sessions.
Why the Phrases Matter
The phrases used during Loving-kindness Meditation can be changed to suit the individual Practitioner.
The final word or intention should be non-burdening.
For example, wishing that someone is peaceful, safe, well, and free of discontentedness does not require that individual to perform some particular action before you will be loving and kind with them.
The purpose is not to place expectations or obligations on another being.
The purpose is to cultivate your own mind, not change others. You cannot change others through your meditation. That is impossible.
This becomes particularly important when practicing Loving-kindness Meditation towards someone with whom you are experiencing challenges.
You are not saying:
“May this person behave the way I want.”
That would be placing an expectation on the other person and the mind would not practice loving-kindness through intentions, speech, and actions until they behave the way you want them to behave.
Instead, you are training your own mind to have goodwill towards that being.
Loving-kindness Meditation is not an attempt to change somebody else. There is no meditation practice that can change another person.
The person being transformed through the meditation is you.
Expanding Loving-kindness Through “Rings”
As the practice develops, create rings of beings towards whom loving-kindness is cultivated.
You are at the center.
“All beings” are at the outer edge.
Between yourself and all beings, you can establish as many groups or individuals as are helpful for training the mind. You will find six to eight rings are ideal. The mind would have challenges with anything beyond six to eight rings.
For example, the practice may gradually move from yourself to family, friends, acquaintances, co-workers, people within your community, people throughout increasingly larger geographic areas, and eventually all beings. You can include specific names of beings or groups of beings. The meditation can be customized to what is needed for your mind.
But the important principle is:
Always begin with yourself and end with all beings.
The purpose is ultimately to develop an all-inclusive mind of loving-kindness that does not leave anyone out.
Loving-kindness Towards People You Consider to be Challenging
This is where Loving-kindness Meditation can become particularly useful in eliminating anger.
If there is an individual or group of beings towards whom the mind currently experiences anger, hatred, resentment, or ill will, include them in the meditation.
Do not leave them out because you experience challenges in those relationships.
Their inclusion is precisely where the training is needed.
Continually include individuals or groups towards whom anger or hatred exists until the mind has fully released its ill will towards those beings.
If anger or ill will subsequently develops towards someone else, that person can then be included in the meditation practice.
For an especially challenging relationship, the practice can become very simple:
Begin with yourself.
Move to that individual.
Repeat the loving-kindness intentions towards that person multiple times.
Then complete the meditation with all beings.
This is not about determining whether that person is right or wrong.
It is not an attempt to force that person to change.
You are training your mind to eliminate the anger, hatred, hostility, aggression, resentment, and ill will that exist within it.
Meditation Is Only Part of the Practice
Loving-kindness needs to eventually move beyond the meditation period.
The purpose of meditation is to train the mind so that the training can be implemented in daily life.
A Practitioner needs to practice loving-kindness through their intentions, speech, and actions.
There is no magic potion or secret method that suddenly produces these wholesome qualities. They need to be practiced.
Meditation helps cultivate the mental states internally. Daily life gives us the opportunity to express them through our interactions with other beings.
The mind needs time and continued training so that these wholesome qualities become increasingly and consistently present.
This means the practice continues when you get up from meditation.
When interacting with others, practice being polite.
Practice being kind.
Practice being friendly.
Practice being respectful.
Practice non-judgment.
Practice not expecting anything in return.
And when an interaction occurs that previously would have produced anger, observe the mind.
This is where you discover whether the meditation practice is gradually changing the condition of the mind.
Recognizing Anger Before It Controls the Mind
Breathing Mindfulness Meditation helps develop the awareness necessary to recognize unwholesome mental activity when it begins to arise.
Through meditation, we practice noticing thoughts and feelings and then “cutting them off” and “letting them go” rather than attaching to them.
As this training develops, the Practitioner becomes increasingly aware of thoughts, feelings, and emotions during daily life before they become overwhelming or produce harmful speech and actions.
This is important with anger.
The goal is not to allow anger to fill the mind and then attempt to control the damage afterward.
The goal is to gradually train the mind so thoroughly that anger no longer arises.
Through Right Effort, the Practitioner works to prevent unwholesome mental states from arising, abandon those that have arisen, produce wholesome mental states that have not yet arisen, and maintain wholesome mental states that are already present.
As the mind becomes better trained, situations that once caused anger, frustration, irritation, or other unwholesome feelings will eventually result in no arising of anger at all.
That is progress and the goal to work towards.
Loving-kindness Is Not a Pleasant Feeling
Loving-kindness should not remain merely an idea. A Practitioner needs to train the mind so that loving-kindness is increasingly present and expressed through actual choices.
Giving and helping others without expecting anything in return through a practice of generosity can help train the mind so that loving-kindness and compassion are increasingly present. Our time, effort, energy, and resources can all be used in ways that benefit others.
Similarly, our intentions, speech, and actions can increasingly originate from a mind trained in loving-kindness.
Loving-kindness is an unconditioned mental quality. It does not arise, change, or fade away. In an unEnlightened mind, loving-kindness is either present or it is not present. Through practice, a Practitioner cultivates the mind so that loving-kindness becomes increasingly and consistently present while eliminating the unwholesome mental qualities that oppose it. When the mind becomes Enlightened, those opposing qualities have been completely eliminated and loving-kindness is continuously present.
Loving-kindness is not a pleasant feeling. Feelings arise, change, and fade away because they are conditioned.
The Buddha explains the characteristics of the unconditioned:
“Monks, there are these three characteristics that define the unconditioned.
What three?
No arising is seen, no vanishing is seen, and no alteration while it persists is seen.
These are the three characteristics that define the unconditioned."
(Reference: AN 3.47)
The purpose of Loving-kindness Meditation and practicing loving-kindness in daily life is therefore to train the mind so that loving-kindness is increasingly and consistently present as a deeply established unconditioned mental quality. Meditation trains the mind, while daily life provides the opportunity to practice loving-kindness through our intentions, speech, and actions.
Loving-kindness and Wholesome Kamma
Loving-kindness Meditation will produce wholesome Kamma (i.e. wholesome results).
While meditating, a Practitioner is practicing The Eight Fold Path during those moments and is not producing unwholesome Kamma. Breathing Mindfulness Meditation is producing the highest quality of wholesome Kamma and Loving-kindness Meditation is second to it.
A relevant Teaching from The Buddha shares that developing a mind of loving-kindness even for a very brief period is highly fruitful, followed by an even higher development through the perception of impermanence.
"Even more fruitful…would it be to develop a mind of loving-kindness even for the time it takes to pull a cow’s udder.
Even more fruitful…would it be to develop the perception of impermanence just for the time of a finger snap."
(Reference: AN 9.20)
This reinforces the importance placed on training a mind of goodwill towards all beings.
Loving-kindness Does Not End With the People We Like
It is easy to have goodwill towards someone who gives us what we want.
It is considerably more revealing to observe the mind when interacting with someone who does not.
A Practitioner interested in eliminating anger cannot reserve loving-kindness only for preferred people.
The goal is loving-kindness towards all beings without judgment.
That includes ourselves.
It includes family and friends.
It includes acquaintances.
It includes people with whom we disagree.
It includes individuals involved in challenging relationships.
It includes beings in other realms such as hell, animal, afflicted spirits, and the heavenly realm.
And it includes those towards whom the mind has previously developed resentment or ill will.
The meditation begins with yourself and ultimately extends outward until no being is excluded.
This is the training.
Gradual Training Produces Gradual Progress
Training the mind needs patience.
Anger, resentment, hostility, or ill will that has been repeatedly practiced in the mind over many years should not be expected to disappear after one meditation session.
The mind will be transformed through gradual training, gradual practice, and gradual progress.
Meditation needs consistency and dedication over multiple sessions.
Likewise, loving-kindness needs to be practiced repeatedly throughout daily life through our intentions, speech, and actions.
Over time, the mind accumulates the benefits of this training.
Situations that once produced intense anger will gradually produce less anger until the mind is fully transformed and there is no anger at all.
Resentment will become easier to release.
The mind will become increasingly capable of recognizing anger before harmful speech or actions occur.
Eventually, with a well-developed life practice, the goal is not merely to manage anger.
The goal is to eliminate it.
The Goal: A Mind Free of Anger
Loving-kindness Meditation is not simply intended to make us temporarily feel good during meditation.
The objective is much greater.
It is training the mind to abandon anger, hatred, ill will, hostility, aggression, resentment, and even minor dislike while cultivating genuine goodwill towards yourself and all beings.
The Path to Enlightenment is a gradual purification and transformation of the mind.
We learn to recognize the unwholesome mental states that cause discontentedness.
We train the mind through meditation.
We cultivate the wholesome qualities that are their antidotes.
And then we put those qualities into practice throughout daily life.
For anger, the antidote is loving-kindness.
Through Loving-kindness Meditation and a well-developed practice of loving-kindness in daily life, the mind can gradually transform from anger and ill will towards a genuine interest in seeing all beings be well.
The practice is not to change everyone around you.
The practice is to change the condition of your own mind.
Practice loving-kindness towards yourself.
Practice loving-kindness towards those close to you.
Practice loving-kindness towards those you do not know.
Practice loving-kindness towards those with whom you have challenges.
And ultimately:
Practice loving-kindness towards all beings.
Through gradual training, gradual practice, and gradual progress, the mind can become increasingly peaceful, calm, serene, and content with joy as you continue walking The Path to Enlightenment.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is Loving-kindness Meditation in Buddhism?
Loving-kindness Meditation is a practice for cultivating goodwill towards yourself and all beings while training the mind to eliminate anger, hatred, ill will, hostility, aggression, and resentment.
What does loving-kindness mean in Buddhism?
Loving-kindness is active goodwill towards all beings without judgment and a genuine interest in seeing all beings be well.
Can Loving-kindness Meditation help eliminate anger?
Yes. Loving-kindness Meditation and a well-developed practice of loving-kindness in daily life are taught as methods for gradually transforming the mind and eliminating anger and ill will.
How do you practice Loving-kindness Meditation?
Begin with Breathing Mindfulness Meditation, then cultivate intentions such as being peaceful, safe, well, and free of discontentedness. The practice begins with yourself and eventually expands to all beings.
Should I practice Loving-kindness towards someone I am angry with?
Yes. Individuals or groups towards whom the mind experiences anger, hatred, or ill will can be deliberately included in Loving-kindness Meditation as part of training the mind to release those unwholesome mental states.
What is the relationship between Loving-kindness and The Eight Fold Path?
Loving-kindness supports Right Intention, particularly the intention of non-ill-will. The mind develops goodwill towards all beings rather than intentions based in anger or harm. Then, a Practitioner's Right Speech, Right Actions, and Right Livelihood are motivated by loving-kindness producing wholesome results (i.e. wholesome Kamma) in daily life.
To practice loving-kindness so that this unconditioned mental quality becomes increasingly and consistently present in the mind, a Practitioner will need a well-developed practice of Right Effort, Right Mindfulness, and Right Concentration.
And the reason why it is important to cultivate loving-kindness can be found in Right View where a Practitioner learns that all anger is being caused by the mind itself, not other people or external circumstances.
Learn Loving-kindness Meditation with the guidance of a Teacher in a recorded class or through a live in-person or online class, course, or retreat.
David Roylance is a dedicated Practitioner, Teacher, and published author who has taught The Teachings of The Buddha since 2005. Based in Chiang Mai, Thailand, he guides Household and Ordained Practitioners worldwide through courses, retreats, and special events on The Path to Enlightenment.
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